88 Lines About 44 Women - The Nails, 1984

 
 
Deborah was a Catholic girl,
she held out to the bitter end.
Carla was a different type,
she's the one who put it in.
Mary was a black girl,
and I was afraid of a girl like that.
Susan painted pictures sitting down
like the Buddha sat.

Reno was a aimless girl
a geographic memory.
Cathy was a Jesus-freak,
she liked that kind of misery.
Vicky had this special way
of turning sex into a song.
Kamala who couldn't sing,
kept the beat and kept it strong.

Xylla was an archetype,
the voodoo queen the queen of wrath.
Joan thought men were second best
to masturbating in the bath.
Sheri was a feminist,
she really had that gift of gab.
Kathleen's point of view was this:
take whatever you can grab.

Seattle was another girl
who left her mark upon the map.
Karen liked to tie me up,
and left me hanging by a strap.
Jeannie had this nightclub walk
that made grown men feel underage.
Mary Ellen who had a son
said "I must go," but finally stayed.

Gloria the last taboo
was shattered by her tongue one night.
Mimi brought the taboo back
and held it up before the light.
Marilyn who knew no shame,
was never ever satisfied.
Julie came and went so fast,
she didn't even say good-bye.

Well Rhonda had a house in Venice,
lived on brown rice and cocaine.
Patty had a house in Houston,
shot cough syrup in her veins.
Linda thought her life was empty,
filled it up with alcohol.
Katherine was much too pretty,
she didn't do that shit at all.

Uh-uh. Not Katherine.

Pauline thought that love was simple,
turn it on and turn it off.
Jean-Marie was complicated,
like some French film-maker's plot.
Gina was the perfect lady,
always kept her stockings straight.
Jackie was a rich punk-rocker,
silver spoon and a paper plate.

Sarah was a modern dancer,
lean pristine transparency.
Janet wrote bad poetry
in a crazy kind of urgency.
Tanya Turkish liked to fuck
while wearing leather biker boots.
Brenda's strange obsession
was for certain vegetables and fruit.

Roweena was an artist's daughter,
the deeper image shook her up.
Dee-dee's mother left her father,
took his money and his truck.
Debbie-Rae had no such problems,
perfect Norman Rockwell home.
Nina sixteen had a baby,
left her parents lived alone.
Bobbie joined a new-wave band,
and changed her name to Bobbie-sox.
Eloise who played guitar,
sang songs about boils and cocks.
Terri didn't give a shit,
was just a nihilist.
Ronnie was much more my style,
she wrote songs just like this.
Jezebel went forty days
drinking nothing but Perrier.
Dinah drove her Chevrolet
into the San Francisco bay.
Judy came from Ohio,
she's a Scientologist.
Amiranta here's a kiss,
I chose you to end this list.

Eighty-eight lines about forty-four women
 
---
 

Maybe I should have put some kind of warning about the language in this song...

The Ravers were a New Wave band that moved from Boulder, Colorado to New York City in the late '70s. They changed their name to The Nails, and played the local club circuit. By 1984, they had been signed to RCA by Bruce Harris, who also brought The Clash to North America.

Their one big hit was originally released in 1981, but received little attention. When RCA re-released 88 Lines About 44 Women on the album Mood Swings, the song made the charts...and raised a few eyebrows over lyrics with clever double entendres about sexual preferences and practices.

I saw the The Nails play in one of those tiny, blackened clubs on Queen Street in Toronto. I think the year was 1985, but it was a long time ago. I do remember the vocalist, Marc Campbell. I was sitting up front, and was amused to see him take out a sheet of paper with the lyrics to 88 Lines. But who could blame him? The song is a real mouthful.

Oddly enough, the tune (but not the lyrics) was used for a Mazda commercial in the late 1990's...