Popsicle Toes - Michael Franks, 1975

 
 

And when God gave out rhythm
He sure was good to you
You can add, subtract, multiply and divide
By two

I know today's your birthday
And I did not buy no rose
But I wrote this song instead and I call it
"Popsicle Toes"

Popsicle toes
Popsicle toes are always froze
Popsicle toes
You're so brave to expose all those popsicle toes

You must have been Miss Pennsylvania
With all this pulchritude
How come you always load your Pentax
When I'm in the nude

We oughta have a birthday party
And you can wear you birthday clothes
We can hit the floor
And go explore those
Popsicle toes

You got the nicest North America
This sailor ever saw
I'd like to feel your warm Brazil
And touch your Panama

But Your Tierra del Fuego's
Are nearly always froze
We gotta see-saw
until we unthaw those
Popsicle toes

Popsicle toes
Popsicle toes are always froze
Popsicle toes
You're so brave to expose all those popsicle toes

 
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Michael Franks never studied music, but was no slouch in school. He earned a Masters from UCLA in Comparative Literature, followed by a PhD from the University of Oregon. But starting in 1973, he turned out jazz, soul, pop and soft-rock based hits through the 1970s to the 1990s, although his popularity peeked in the 80s.

A few of his hits were catchy, if not clever. The Art of Tea contained a song called Eggplant (about the way his baby cooks him eggplant) and one of my favourites, Popsicle Toes. The various metaphors in this song help make Popsicle Toes a standout. None-the-less, today, as in 1975, it is unacceptable to stare at a woman's attractive North America...