When I decided to do a tribute to the old '60s variety show, Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In, I knew that Goldie Hawn would be a must. She played an adorable and deliberately naive young woman who usually danced with political body paint on.

Another of my favourite characters was Arte Johnson as an inquisitive Nazi soldier (this was somehow funny in 1968) Most of the time, he would hide behind a large potted plant, push the leaves apart, and utter, "Verrrry interesting...". Then he would puff on a cigarette.

To tie everything together, the logical choice for a base was the "joke wall". This was used near the end of each show, and featured the cast popping out of multi-story windows to tell bad jokes. The funniest bits seemed to occur when things didn't quite follow the script.

While carefully researching this, I realized that the wall and the stage were seamless, with a slight curve. I had an idea this might be a challenge, and a challenge it was!

However, my first order of business was to create Goldie the go-go dancer, since she is the central character for this sculpture.

Building "Goldie"

Fig. 1	Fig. 2	Fig. 3	Fig. 4

As I started on Goldie, I soon realized that there was no way I could make her exact likeness. Sadly, I'm just not that good a sculptor when it comes to a human face being no larger than my fingernail. But no matter, I decided a Goldie-like figure would suffice for my purposes, and pressed on.

Since she was to be dancing, and not leaning up against anything for support, I constructed her body around a series of wires. Running through her left leg (the primary contact with the stage) is the stiffest wire that I work with. I can barely bend it with my fingers. Secondary wire was used for the eventual head and arms (Fig. 1)

I used to fuss and fret about getting the figure smooth, but now I rely on wet sanding afterwards. To keep things simple, I add arms and legs one at a time, baking everything before moving on. At anytime, after things have hardened, I am free to scrape with a knife and sand. In (Fig. 2), you should be able to see her legs getting already getting a little smoother.

Clothes can be added with extremely thin layers of clay, or painted on, or both. In this case, I made Goldie's bikini out of metallic gold clay, hoping to get folds and wrinkles to show up. (Fig.3) A few layers of gold paint were actually necessary later, but at least I was on the right track.

For encouragement, I did her hair after painting on the details of her face. This just lets me know things are working out. She has short hair, and this can be difficult, especially considering there are no locks of long flowing hair to cover up any problems with the shape of the head. (Fig. 4) At this point she has no hands or feet. I tend to leave the feet until I'm ready to place my figures on their bases, and get the angles right. The fingers tend to break with extensive handling, so I leave those for later on, as well.

Tip - it is far easier to paint on details as you go, rather than trying to get around corners with a brush when everything is in place. Don't worry about the constant re-baking, acrylic paint stands up to the required 250 degrees Fahrenheit.

The Tricky Joke Wall

Fig. 5	Fig. 6	Fig. 7	Fig. 8	Fig.9

I thought carefully about how I was going to handle a colourful, seamless wall and stage, and decided to use the clay itself. Drawing on, and then painting a complicated pattern on a flat surface would be problem enough, but adding in the curve to the stage would add another dimension of difficulty. Also, paint leaves bumps and streaks and can't be repaired easily. The main reason for going without paint, however, is the clean, vibrant look that comes from the brightly coloured hues of the clay by itself.

Working from as many references I could find, I created a computer sketch of what the wall might look like, and even went as far as labeling each section like a paint-by-number. I printed a few copies (normal and reversed), and prepared myself with a roller, an Exacto Knife, waxed paper, and $40 worth of brightly coloured polymer clay. (Fig. 5)

The first step was to tape down the reversed pattern, and apply a layer of semi-transparent waxed paper on top. Next came the trickiest part - rolling each colour to the same thickness, and tracing a single shape through from a printout of my non-reversed design. No, wait - even trickier was cutting out the clay, and transferring it over to the waxed paper...you see, thin bits of clay tends to flop about and stretch when you pick it up... But it seemed to work, as shown here (Fig. 6)

The secret to this process was having the face down portion flat, and seamless, with all the roller marks on the side facing me (thus, the reversed pattern printout). This was a very time-consuming process. (Fig. 7) Every now and again I would turn things over to make sure the surface was nice and clean. One unintended consequence of the constant rolling and smoothing was that the surface got slightly larger than the pattern I was following. I eventually had to simplify and change my design slightly.

When I was finally done, I made one more check for flaws on the good side, and placed the whole thing in a cutoff cardboard box. I made use of the right angle to bend the material, creating a smooth back wall and stage. The cardboard was fine in my oven, and it ensured the desired shape is kept throughout the baking process. (Fig. 8)

With a few bits of wire for re-enforcement, I added on a layer of black clay for depth, and a solid layer underneath the stage. (Fig. 9) You will note that the open window is only about a quarter of an inch in depth, but once the Arte Johnson character is poking his head out, it should have the illusion of an entire back-stage.

Tip - if you get cracks in large surfaces during baking (or re-baking), don't panic. This is the clay settling. Simply fill in the cracks with the same coloured clay, and re-bake in exactly the same position as before. You can always sand the surface for imperfections after it hardens.

Arte Johnson

Fig. 10	Fig. 11	Fig. 12	Fig. 13

A potted plant seemed out of the question for my sculpture, so I decided that my version of the Arte Johnson character should be poking out the open window on my joke wall. To start, I made my usual generic male head and face, but added a crooked open mouth and raised eyebrows. (Fig. 10) A fairly simple step followed: painting on a few facial details. The eyes had to be squinting, and the eyebrows convincing. (Fig. 11)

Next, I added hair, sideburns and teeth; it was easier to add in the teeth after the mouth and lips were painted. The glasses, however, were a little harder to do. (Fig. 12) I used black thread and super-glue for this. Crossing the thread over itself to form a loop, I taped the excess thread onto wax paper, and carefully dripped the glue on the exposed loop. This resulted in the loop hardening, When the glue was dry, I cut away the excess thread, careful not to lose my tiny little circle of threat. After repeating this, I glued the two "lenses" together on the head, and added straight pieces of thread to complete the glasses. No - I did not attempt to put actual glass in the lenses...

Several things have happened by Fig. 13. I have added the open doors, complete with little handles. I ended up cutting off some of the head at the back, once I saw how far forward I wanted Arte peering out the window. I then added the front and sides of a German battle helmet, and used his green uniform to hold everything in place. I even added in the fingers on his left hand, and then re-baked the whole stage again.

Adding More Details

Fig.14	Fig.15	Fig.16	Fig.17

The Arte character needed some insignia added on his uniform, and of course, the right hand holding a cigarette; a bright spec of orange-red giving the final touch. (Fig. 14) Even though the entire back of this figure is missing due to a very shallow opening, it still looks like he is all there.

Tip - when putting objects into a figure's hands, make and bake that object first, be it a sword or a cigarette. You may even want to add the painted details. It is so much easier to place fingers around a solid piece of clay, without worrying about things falling apart.

I needed more detail on the stage, and came up with this: At least once per show, somebody, usually Judy Carnes, would say “Sock it to me”, and get hit with (what we assume) a bucket of water. I decided to include an old aluminum bucket on the stage.

Making a hollow container like this out of clay would be absurdly difficult, the thin sides would collapse in my fingers…but I came with the idea to have the bucket upside-down, and therefore empty - they've already thrown the water at somebody. The whole thing is solid, thus, avoiding the previously mentioned concerns with clay. The handle was made easily from rolled-up clay, and I added darker paint in the bucket's crevices for a worn look. (Fig. 15)

Returning to the Goldie figure, I added on her feet (no toes), and pre-formed a pair of hoop-style earrings. These were hardened in the oven first, and gluing them on afterwards saved a lot of problems. (Fig.16) I place the figure itself on scrunched up paper towel for support.

Tip: when re-baking figures, or any complicated shape, it is necessary to fully support any protruding shapes such as arms and legs. Even with wire inside, there is a possibility of breakage during this process. The heat, although it will not turn the old clay soft again, will weaken the structure, often enough to collapse under its own weight.

One of the more delicate tasks, adding hands and fingers, was next on my list (Fig. 17) For some reason, I always find making hands to be harder than anticipated. But they are worth the trouble, since they really help establish a figure's demeanor and attitude.

Tip: with vulnerable exposed detail like fingers, I will drip small amounts of super glue CAREFULLY onto the surface, using a cue-tip or bit of paper towel to remove excess droplets. This makes the thinnest bit of clay quite hard. However, try to do this after your final bake, because the heat does tend to make the otherwise clear glue turn a little yellow.

Getting Goldie On Her Mark...

Fig. 18	Fig. 19	Fig. 20	Fig. 21

I did a Google search, and found a reference for '60s shoes. At least the red matches other parts of her ensemble, and they are kind of funky. Note how there is still lots of the main wire protruding from her left foot. (Fig. 18)

The final placement of Goldie took some experimenting. I examined all the possibilities, and made my final decision. With a small mark on the stage, I grabbed my power drill, (Fig. 19) and make a half inch deep hole. As luck would have it, this location still wasn't optimal. I ended up drilling a second hole, and filling in this one first one with yellow clay. (Those creative types can never make up their minds.) (Fig. 20)

The body painting wasn't something I was looking forward too. There were a few symbols to add, but mostly slogans from the 60s - "Make love, not war", etc. Even with a tiny brush, this was going to be tedious! One day, however, it occurred to me that a permanent fine-tipped marker would probably do the job much faster. I went out and bought 5 different colours, sat down with the magnifying ring, and wrote as small as I could. It still took me about 4-5 hours, but the result was nice. (Fig. 21) I did some painting, but only when I wanted a colour lighter than her skin, such as the white flowers.

Finishing Up

The last few steps for this project were gluing Goldie into place on the stage, and adding a rather silly looking clock on the wall. The hands are similar to those of Mickey Mouse, but not identical...probably for legal reasons. Although this clock only appears behind announcer Gary Owen's head in the show, I'm taking artistic liberty to include it on the joke wall.

Also, the bucket has been glued onto the stage, and a coat of varnish adds the final finishing touch. For a closer look, go to the full Laugh-In gallery.